Friday, 31 May 2013
Motherhood, testing your skills.
The main skill that will be tested when you become a parent is your sneaking skills. When it comes down to it, parenthood is survival of the fittest. Your ability to silently sneak across the nursery after having spent the best part of an hour rocking your 17lb baby to sleep will really be tested. It only takes a scuff of your feet, a swish of your jeans or the creak of the damn door to wake your baby from their slumber. You will actually start to plan your outfit by the eliminating the most noisy attire from your wardrobe.
So you make it out of the nursery, closing the door ever so slowly behind you and when it is shut, let out a sigh of relief (silently of course). The game doesn't stop there though, oh no, time to softly pad down the stairs, remembering which ones creak, I usually find myself holding on to the walls for extra support. Well done you've made it downstairs. You're desperate for a cup of tea, but it's best to wait at least fifteen minutes before switching on the noisy kettle, just to make sure she's in a deep slumber. You scoff some food that needs little preparation, fearing she could wake at any minute and you may have missed your opportunity for sustenance.
There is a knock at the door, curses! You've forgotten you ordered a food shop. The delivery man looks confused as to why you are whispering and tip toeing around, unfortunately he doesn't get the hint and engages in loud chit chat. The ordeal is over, you retreat back into your home like some sort of house hermit. Baby still sleeping. Hmm you begin to feel confident, cocky even. A quick chat to the other half in a hushed voice. "Yes she's been asleep 45 minutes" you say smugly. This motherhood lark isn't too bad after all. Right time for that cup of tea. The kettle whistles. Tea bag at the ready. You baby lets out her battle cry, she's awake.....